Feeling the Night

20:23

I often wonder, what do you think when you are surrounded by the dark and you cannot sleep. How do you feel at that time? Do you feel happy that the day is over? Is the reason why your eyes won’t close is because you are so excited for the next day, or are you still trying to catch your breath after today and thinking of all the things you will have to do tomorrow? Night is known to be dangerous, because of our imagination and bad people lurking outside. Maybe I am too young to disagree, but I do. I have yet to feel scared of the night. Every time I look out of the window, I wish to be “in it”, to breathe it and become a part of that mystery, not to stay just an ordinary fascinated observer.

I feel compassion for Night, as she is so lonely. Come to think of it, she and Day are like step-sisters. Day is the popular one, always surrounded by people, having fun, if something bad happens on her watch, we call it “life”. Whereas Night is an utter contrariety to her half-sister. She is shy and takes long to warm up to people, because they usually head home as soon as they notice her approaching. The ones that choose to stay, act as though Night isn’t even there, making her feel left out. Very few of us acknowledge Night and decide to keep her company. That’s why being her friend feels special. Day as a friend isn’t as trustworthy, because you have to share her with so many of her other friends, and she can’t always be your Day. Night is different. If you walk up to her, she will give you all the attention you need, if you’re stressed or confused about something, she will help you forget about it. All you need, is a single step into it and everything around you vanishes. When you’re alone, you have no choice but think. That is a dangerous thing to do during the night.

Where does the night take your thoughts? To the bright future, gives you hope, or to the past mistakes and fills you with remorse? To me, it’s the latter. Night brings me the feeling of one more “over”. It makes me think of all the time I’ve wasted, that I could’ve spent with the ones that truly matter. It’s not even death that terrifies me so much, being parentless is what breaks my heart. More than ever I realise the transience of present happiness. We might not be able to undo all the wrongs, but I know that it’s not too late to say “I love you”.

Night is like a generous aunt, that does a feelings give-away every time she comes to your home. If you ever struggle to decide whether you should be scared or amazed by it, take my advice: relax. Take it all in and enjoy, since we experience so little of this beautifully scary mystery.

Autorė: Airina Venskutė

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